How to Have a Perfectly Wretched Sunday

We moved into our house nine years ago on January 23rd. Do you know what happens to a house on the coast in nine years time? Well, do you? It deteriorates, that's what it does, and quickly! 
One day not long ago I noticed the bumpers in the cabinets and drawers was rotting into this blob of gluey, nasty yuck that is hideous. Hideous I say! So I decided to be industrious and order those cute little sticker bumpers from Amazon and go about replacing every single one of those suckers in the house. Let's just say in hindsight I regret my enthusiasm for property maintenance.

After receiving those cute little pieces of crap, I mean silicone and glue or whatever the Hell they're made of, they sat around for awhile until finally one day I found them in my top drawer where they had gotten lost in the crowd. So, being the follow through gal that I am I decided to go about replacing them. Let me be very clear on this. You don't just simply pull the old one off and replace it with a newer cuter version. Oh No!

What we have here is a ladder, Goo Gone, alcohol, two rags, a knife, a straight edge razor and paper towels with the gooey yucky nasty stuff that is the old bumper that has been on the drawers and cabinets for over nine years. Let me just say that the adhesive used on those original bumpers must be ultra-super-duper-industrial-strength. Not kidding! I have officially developed Popeye muscles from getting that stuff off. This must be what they use to glue airplanes together. But I'm a Taurus and guess what, we are some stubborn-ass folks y'all!

And another thing, guess how many drawers and cabinets are in this house - thousands I tell you, literally thousands! Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little but, really, who needs this freaking many drawers and cabinets? Huh? It's just two little people here. But, guess what, each and every blasted one has stuff in them!

I began in the master bathroom, yep, lots of cabinets in there. I was so eager to get started I didn't realize I was going to need all that stuff in the photo. So after trying with just my Daddy's old knife and getting some okay results but still leaving a nasty, sticky residue behind, I knew the reliable Goo Gone was required. I got it from under the kitchen sink and as the slow, tedious removal of ultra-super-duper-industrial-strength adhesive decided to be as stubborn as any Taurus I've ever known I decided to use even more Goo Gone. Did you know you can get high from Goo Gone, Oh YETH you can! I suggest using it in a well-ventilated area with the fart fan on full blast. Mmmhmm!

After the Goo Gone you have to wipe that oily residue with alcohol and not just any alcohol, 90% alcohol works just great. Fortunately it didn't take the paint off or I'd be painting inside cabinets for weeks! Finally I get to put the brand spanking new little round bumper on and I am done with the lower cabinets and drawers. Oh but look, that cabinet goes up to the freaking ceiling and guess what, yep, there is a glob of old bumper waaaay up there. Hence the ladder. I'm not that fond of ladders. I wear flip-flops around the house. You can't climb up and down a ladder in flip-flops. Not a good idea. I didn't actually fall off but came so close I shook those flip flops right off to my bare feet and felt much safer. I thought maybe I'm part monkey as my toes wrapped around each rung as I climbed ever higher. That's when I knew I needed a tool belt. Yep, climbing up and down ladders to get what was needed seemed so inefficient. So I decided on this. Yes, I know where the words "the mother of invention is necessity" comes from. My hiking belt worked just marvelous.

So here I am on a Sunday afternoon doing this. I've made my way to the kitchen. Egad! The KITCHEN!! Holy Mackerel! Have you SEEN my kitchen! I'll be here till next Sunday!

Anyway, I thought I'd share the joy of what I've been doing all day so you can gain knowledge of how this is done. Should you decide to do this at your house and think I'd be the perfect candidate to help, DON'T CALL ME!!! I will be in the hospital with brain damage from sniffing too much Goo Gone!