Sad Day

Ever had one of those days where you just feel like going back to bed and calling it a day and it's still morning? I mean, seriously, everything I look at reminds me of Randy and I finally just sit down and bawl. I know, tears have toxins in them that need to be released and it does help, until the next time. I just miss him so much some days. This morning I made the mistake of going back and looking at messages from him and my sweet daughter and it just broke me. Why did I do that? Ugh!

I should simply be grateful I had 30 years with my soul mate, right? The agony and overwhelming loss of him is too much to bear some days. I guess this is one of them. Distractions help and I'll probably get in the car and get out of here a little bit. Or just simply give up and go back to bed. Who knows?

On second thought I may get in the pool. It's Spring and the sun is shining for now anyway. We've had several days of some pretty intense wind and a bit of isolated showers. Need more rain and if my name were Stormy there'd be plenty of rain down here. 

Another sad thing happening is Marley is aging pretty rapidly it seems. He's 13 1/2 years old now and it's definitely beginning to show. He has some pretty impressive lumps and I won't even tell the vet, she knows. It's just a matter of time. He still surprises me and runs to the gate. I think he pays for that later though. I've put him on CBD Oil and it has made a huge difference. Allowed us more time with him. But it's inevitable. My Daddy, a Native American Indian, was so matter-of-fact when he was aging. "We all die." His words. And he's right, we do. It's the people that are left behind that suffer. I miss that sweet man every day, the best Daddy EVER! He was 82 when he passed. Momma was 86. People predict I'll be the last person on Earth. LOL Anyway, many prayers for my sweet Marley will be appreciated.

You know, as I write this I realize how lucky I am. My daughter just called, seems to know when I need her, and vice versa. I am beyond grateful for the people in my life, my family, my friends, Shawn, and being able to express myself in this forum helps me. Thank you all for that. Until next time, keep your heads up, cry when you need to, call a friend (me) should you feel like it, and just try and be a happy soul. That’s what I’m doing!

We Shall See

Wow! Been quite awhile since I blogged. Needless to say, I've been rather busy. Life seems to just keep moving on, no matter how much you'd like it to stay the same, or even change drastically. It seems to know what I need though, so here I am. 

Shawn is staying until he decides to leave or I ask him to. It's as simple as that. He's a good man and truly cares about Marley and me. So sweet. He keeps everything running in peak condition. And more importantly than all that, I've fallen in love with him. He's extremely hard to resist. I love him. Simple enough, right? Nope, never are things simple enough. But basically, when you get right down to it, it IS pretty simple. I am a widow and am available to have a relationship. He is a very old friend, I've known him at least 30 years because he and Randy worked together and were friends. That is how I reconnected with him after all these years. Apparently he and Randy kept in touch from time to time through texts. Last April 23rd (ironically my birthday) Shawn had sent Randy a text. I didn't see it until April 26th. I promptly prepared myself for that conversation where someone is unaware he had passed away September 12, 2020, a date I will never ever forget. I texted that it was me, Roxann ..., and could I call him from my phone and gave him that #. As usual, the conversation was sad yet sweet at the same time. It's hard to respond to someone who has lost the love of their life. I know, Shawn lost his Ava 11 years ago, maybe 12 now. So he absolutely "gets" my sad days. Days I miss my beloved Randy. That is comforting to me to know that. It allows me to just feel my feelings, no matter what they are. Total acceptance on his part. That truly feels good and right. He even holds me as I cry on particular bad days. That, my friends, is true acceptance and so so comforting. 

So, yeah, that's a lot of change and we're still new at this. As time travels on, like it does, we become more comfortable with each other. I very simply like him as the good person he is, even if we're not together. Now I miss him terribly when he's not here. But that happens from time to time and I'd say that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

So still happy with things as they are so not changing a ding dang thing until I have to or life takes care of it in ways I can't even imagine right now. It tends to or seems to tend to go in that direction. Completely unexpected. But good. You know? Ah well, as we all know - We Shall See!