Life after Randy's passing has been such a whirlwind ride, ups and downs and everything in between. At first I thought there was absolutely no way I'd ever be happy again. That would be impossible without him here. He was my happiness and contributed greatly to that on a moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, basis. How could I possibly ever laugh or smile if he wasn't here with me to enjoy it as well? But along the way of grieving and mourning I made the absolute profound discovery that if I could make just one person smile or outright laugh at least once a day, I could pass on what Randy did for me every single day since the day I met him in 1988. That's a lot of laughing and smiling! And how lucky was I to have that for over 30 years? A true blessing. I am beyond grateful to have had that for so long.
So now if I can just make one person happy for a few moments, I have fulfilled my goal for the day in Randy's honor. Often while laughing with someone I feel Randy's love and laughter in my heart and I know he is still with me and it simply feels right. I will strive to do this every single day until I die. The true lesson is that while trying to make someone else smile or laugh, I find myself doing the same thing. It's a win/win deal y'all. I strongly suggest trying this on for yourself. You won't be disappointed.
While endeavoring to spread joy and laughter each and every day I have met and become close to some outstanding people. I've become more social than when Randy was here. I get lonely, pretty simple actually, so when a friend asks me to lunch or dinner or a party, I generally go. Why not? Who knows who you'll meet or become friends with. I'm a firm believer that you can't have enough friends, good people who will laugh with you, cry with you, help you when you need it and vice versa. Not all are who they appear though, are they? You have to get to know a person slowly and thoroughly before you really know them. Some have parts of them that only come out in time. Some have sides that they guard so you don't see that part. I am one that will figure it all out though. I am patient. I tend to be an open book. What you see is what you get. I am easy to read. My eyes reveal it all. Some people are very good at hiding the parts they don't want you to see. But my eyes can see you. It will all be revealed in time.
I've learned way more about house maintenance than I ever thought I would. Since Randy was Handy Randy and fixed everything, I have discovered that I can be Handy Roxie if I need to. My Daddy was Mr. Fix It and I literally would follow him around and get his tools and hand them to him sometimes. I learned a lot just by watching. I did the same thing with Randy, his assistant at times. Now the sense of accomplishment I achieve when I actually fix something is quite satisfying. I like that feeling. Who needs a plumber, right? Just kidding, a couple of those calls after the Deep Freeze were absolutely necessary. I can't do everything, I'm smart enough to know when the job is over my head!
Randy left me a Vendor List, it covers anyone who has ever made any kind of repair or work done on this house. How sweet was that? Also, he put manuals around or near an appliance or tool so it would be readily available if I needed it in the future. Who does that? The man thought of everything. I know he was worried about me before he passed about whether or not I'd be able to stay in our beautiful home. He should never have had a doubt. I'm here til the day I die. Just like he was. I will die in that same bed in this same house. Mark my words.
Life really does go on. Whether you want it to or not. Rest assured, there will be moments, many moments, when I just don't want to go on any longer. It's too hard, or it's too much, or I just don't care anymore, but I will persevere. I am a Survivor, with a capital S! I'll get through whatever it is that Life throws at me. Do I really have any other choice? Nope! Hopefully some fun adventures will be coming my way when it's time. I'm ready Destiny! Bring it on!
