Shawn is leaving next Tuesday. I will miss him. He has become a wonderful and true friend and so much more. He has helped me through some difficult times, and I'm not sure how I will deal with his loss. More loss it seems like. I'm sick of losing things, ya know? I get so lonely at times and I'm so not looking forward to that again. I will survive, I always do. And there's always texts and phone calls and FaceTime, all of these things help when he's just not here. At least he's still living. I know that sounds awful, but yet, here we are. With Randy and Harris' loss I'm gonna need my friends and family to help me with the lonely.
I HAVE to learn to be alone. That is the lesson here, I think, being alone is a struggle for me. Probably because I had 30 years of being with my sweet Randy and then a year of having Harris here for me whenever I needed him. He was truly my son from another mother. I miss that. And I know I will miss Shawn, too.
Why does life throw these things at us? Lessons. I'm tired of lessons. I just want to be happy in whatever capacity I can achieve on a daily basis. Seems impossible. But life goes on. And I will deal with it. I'm just not looking forward to it. Will I ever be whole again? Wish I could see the future. What will happen? Will it be good or will it be more loss? (Sigh)
This is a bummer post. Sorry! But it's where I am right now. At least I still have my sweet Marley, he's doing well on CBD oil, by the way. Amazing the difference it has made in this almost 13 year old pup. He's my constant companion so at least I won't be completely alone.
Take care y'all. Love your peeps while they're still here. Hug them more. Tell them you love them more. Relish all the moments you have with your loved ones. It matters!
