I MISS HIM

I'm having a hard day.  Nothing in particular has happened. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a regular Tuesday.  I woke up around 7:15 and since the maids were coming I hurried, got dressed, after having my coffee, of course. And prepared the last minute details for their arrival. I love my sweet housecleaners. They do a great job and I don't have to do it.  Super kind and sweet ladies.

 

And my sweet friend even came over and we talked and laughed like we always do. She suggested I continue writing here so here I am. After she left I was just walking around our beautiful home and admiring different aspects of it. I guarantee you this house wouldn't be so awesome if Randy hadn't played a huge part in making sure every detail was covered and it was well maintained and well put together. I think even Al wouldn't disagree with that assessment. Although they butted heads many times. LOL

 

After looking around for awhile I simply started to miss him. I miss his presence, I miss his absolute adoration he bestowed upon me on a daily basis and then some. I miss his laugh. I miss his beautiful brain that kept me informed or answered my stupid questions without hesitation, every single time. I miss his love of fishing (Randy's fish tacos were the best I've ever eaten!). I miss his wonderful connection to Marley and how Marley would follow him around outside. I miss how he did so many things without me even realizing it. I think it gave him pleasure that I never even had to think about whatever it was he was doing. He found pleasure just in the doing of it. I miss his planning skills. If we were going on vacation, by golly every single T was crossed and I dotted. Guaranteed! The route, if we were driving, was meticulously gone over, more than once. Hotels were booked along the way, making sure Marley was welcome. Even food prep was thought through. Yep, he could have been a Travel Agent, no doubt. That was so much a part of him, his ability to plan and organize. I miss that. I miss his ability to fix every single thing I ever gave him to fix. From steam iron, curling iron, hair dryer, blender, toaster, hand mixer, coffee maker, washer/dryer, it just didn't matter what it was, he fixed it, without fail. He was the hardest working little sucker I've ever known. And if he took on a job, it was done right! Yes, he was a bit OCD, which made him perfect for me! I cooked, he cleaned and, oh my goodness, it was CLEAN when he was finished. I miss him preparing the coffee maker the night before so all I had to do was flip a switch the next morning. I miss him holding me from behind as we slept. I miss his warm body that was so warm it was my source of heat some nights, he radiated it! LOL I miss all of these things. But mostly I just miss my sweetheart of 30 years. I truly realize how much I had now that he's gone. He knew I loved him, and I tried to show him in the myriad ways a couple together that long can do without even thinking about it. But I should have told him more. I should have hugged him more. I should have let him know how brilliant I thought he was. My love and adoration know no bounds. I hope he knew that. I hope he realized deep down how devoted I was to him.

 

I miss him.