I remember the day my heart broke in two very well. It’d been a difficult day because my ex-husband had called to say he was getting married. She was 19, his secretary, and I was 30. I had asked how he could have fallen in love with someone so soon after our divorce the month before.
I held it together at work. I picked up our children, Angela four and Brandon one, from daycare. After dinner, which I couldn’t eat, I bathed them and rocked Brandon to sleep with a bottle while Angela played in her room. After reading the negotiated amount of books to Angela, two instead of her usual three, I collapsed on the couch. I was utterly exhausted.
Suddenly I bent over, tears streamed down my cheeks and into my mouth so quickly it was as if a dam had broken loose. I couldn’t breath, I was gasping and sobbing so hard I didn’t think I’d stop. I curled into the fetal position and lay there in agonizing pain. The couch and my shirt were completely soaked under me. I sobbed gut-wrenching, body-wracking tears. The weeping was loud enough to awaken Angela. I couldn’t have silenced myself if I’d tried.
“Mommy, what’s wrong?” she tremulously asked.
I opened one eye and saw Angela looking at me with fear in her big brown eyes. I sat up and tried to silence myself but couldn’t. I stared at her. I couldn’t speak. Suddenly, she simply reached her small pudgy arms up to me as if she knew what I needed, a hug from my Angel. I lifted her into my arms, still weeping as she wrapped her sweet arms around me so tightly neither one of us could breath.
We stayed that way for some time. I finally slowed to a snivel and was able to unwrap her arms from around my neck. We didn’t say a word, just stared into each other’s mirrored-brown eyes. I think she knew I was past the worst of it. She turned around and sat down in my crossed legs with her right thumb in her mouth and lumpy, yellow checked pillow in her lap. That was her usual position when she needed comfort. I didn’t have it in me to soothe her.
After several minutes, I turned her around and said, “Honey, Mommy was very sad and needed to cry. I’m sorry I woke you. Sometimes grownups get sad just like children and they have to cry, too. I think you understand what I mean, don’t you?”
Halfway through my words she started nodding, completely understanding. I saw in her eyes that she not only comprehended, but also agreed with me.
“It’s going to be okay, Mommy.” She said as we walked hand-in-hand to her bedroom, I knew she was right. I realized I needed to be strong and brave. My children depended on me and I wouldn’t let them down.
My little girl grew into a loving, kind, and loyal woman. She’s 27 now and one of the most stalwart friends I’ve ever had. Our lifelong friendship began that day so many years ago - the day my heart broke in two.
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